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TheGamechanger
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Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock C Part 2

Posted by TheGamechanger - June 22nd, 2015


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61. While having a motif is nice, and many make for some badass armor designs, they also make it easier for the hero to identify where I have influence. Therefore, I will forgo having a motif and keep my operations as nondescript as possible.

62. When designing my personal suit of armor, I will take note of actual body armor. I'll probably actually want to take some cues from SWAT teams in that regard, too.

63. I will try to force the Good Guys to use Weapons of Mass Destruction, or use them first. The stigma attached to such weaponry will turn otherwise-neutral parties to my side.

64. Corollary to Rule #158: While the hero is likely to be surprised by the recipe for Grandma’s Potato Salad the first time, it also creates an uncertain situation. On the one hand, it could increase my standing among the masses. On the other, I could be boosting the morale of the hero and his allies.

65. I will never torture anyone just to demonstrate how evil I am. This is a Bitch Alert waiting to happen.

66. If all other security precautions fail and The Hero and his companions confront me, I will immediately rectify whatever it is that caused them to band together. Any families that were killed as collateral damage in my expansion campaigns will be buried with high honors and any razed towns, hamlets, cities, biodomes or whatever will be reconstructed. Either this will convince the heroes that I do have a heart (pffffft!) or they will otherwise just back down at the attempt to make amends.

67. When installing security systems in my fortress I will remember that fish eye lenses can imbue security cameras with fields of vision in excess of 180 degrees, thereby removing the possibility of an infiltrator sneaking by them when they're turned the other way.

68. If I install radio jammers or any form of machine that interferes with communication, I will keep them inside my base, in a locked room, filled with poisonous gas and the odd booby trap. I will ensure that they cannot be destroyed by simply having their screens punched out. Rather, anyone who attempts to do that will be electrocuted.

69. I will allow my mooks to have regular contact with their families, so they will not turn on me due to loneliness. In fact, if costs allow, I will house their families in the same building as my mooks, so that they can never be used against them by an Anti-Hero.

70. The best way to avoid being killed by a Hero is to ensure that I'm not the bloke with a bullet in his head. Having an identical clone, a mind-controlled twin, or else a puppet that is my public face is insanely useful. Alternatively, having some sort of inverse-shield that actually strengthens me every time someone tries to shoot me may be considered.

71.When it comes to my Legions of Terror, I will ensure that all the Head Mooks will have a friendly rivalry with each other. That way, they will compete for my attention but not get vicious enough to fight internally.

72. Each and every person that works for me will have several microphones and GPS trackers on them, so that I can always know where they are and if they are plotting against me.

73. Every mook entering my service will have a thorough background check to ensure that they have no hidden grudges against me, my staff, or my predecessors.

74. I will believe in the spirit of emulation. If someone who works for me does well, they will be rewarded. This boosts morale and encourages them to work harder. Punishment should usually be death, unless it would severely harm PR to do so. Then it should merely be a reduction of salary or deprivation of privileges.

75. Before imprisonment, any captives will be given a thorough and complete cavity search by someone who is not sexually attracted to them in any way. Any guard disgusted by this duty will be summarily executed and replaced with a more willing employee.

76. If the heroes send someone utterly ridiculous but that is capable of defeating any powerful villain because of it, i will send my most pathetic, clumsy minion against him. After all, if the Rule of Funny is what allows such a being to come on the top, nothing is fairer than to exploit the ridiculousness of the situation and gave him a taste of his own medicine, pitching him against someone that's more silly than he is, leading to his defeat since it's funny that way!

76A. Indeed, depending on how strong the Rule of Funny is tied to the very fabric of reality, I may conquer the world by simply sending my most idiotic mooks against the most competent heroes in the world.

77. If a technique can defeat me once, I will learn it.

78. I will not trust any single point off any of the preceding lists alone to render me Genre Savvy.

79. If my Mad Scientist creates a new model of mech or robot armor I will have a mook use the new model and have him fight my strongest and most trusted lieutenant in the next most recent model. If my lieutenant wins I shall order the scientist to improve the new model and I shall destroy the model my lieutenant was using.

80. Should I have the hero tied, disarmed and at my mercy, I will not untie him, give him back his weapon, and engage him in a duel just to prove my superiority. I will instead simply chop his head off.

81. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and order the hero's execution in a forced brawl against several wild beasts instead of just shooting him, I will immediately have him shot if he overcomes the beasts.

82. I don't care how cool it sounds. I will always have my gun cocked before going after the hero.

83. After reading every item of the Evil Overlord List until they are etched into my memory, I will erase all traces of said lists, track down all parties who contributed to the list and eliminate them. I will then wear a mask of stupidity and track down any aspiring Evil Overlords and if I deem them dumb enough to fall for my facade, but competent enough to achieve a measure of success and pose a threat to mankind, recruit them to be a part of MY Legion of Terror, while playing the role of THEIR minion. During this time, I will scout any prospective heroes and arrange it so that all heroes and Overlords-in-Training meet up for a death match and eliminate each other for me. I will not waste any time in letting survivors catch their breath, executing them on the spot. I will bring guns, dagger, dirks, swords and shuriken to every encounter, have allweapons doused in poison and use any means at my disposal to ensure an advantage over allies and foes alike. After the dust settles, I will have my personal band play my theme song as I am declared Evilest of Evil Overlords.

83A. Also, anyone who's reading this in hopes of learning to be an Evil Overlord has a pistol to his skull. I am not gloating. Your brains just splattered your monitor.

83B. And any hero who's reading this in hopes of learning how to stop an Evil Overlord's plot has a pistol to his skull. I am not gloating. Your brains just splattered the monitor. Bitch.

83C. I'm going to flay, chop up in a meat grinder, and burn down the bodies and drop the ashes in a volcano of all prospective Overlords and Heroes too, just to ensure they aren't resurrected to take revenge.

84. I will never, I repeat, NEVER, stop and make idle conversation, small talk, chit chat, gossip, etc. with the hero should I come across him. Should our paths cross, I will shoot him, stab him, poison him, choke him, drown him, decapitate him, flay and mutilate him, burn him, chop him up and use any and all supernatural powers I have to all around erase his existence from behind and ask questions later. Should we meet face to face, and he/she is destined to stop me and kick my ass (be it in that order or no), I will avoid one-on-one confrontation and instead send all of my forces at him at once and then follow the above procedure while he/she is distracted or wounded or both.

84A. However, if I meet The Hero in a place where neither of us can harm the other, e.g. the Spirit Realm, I will covertly tell my minions to go to their location and capture their physical body, while I distract them by talking about my beliefs/ how my day is going/ my TragicBackstory. If any seeds of doubt can be sown into their mind, it will give me yet another advantage should things go pear-shaped.

85. Blood Knight though I may be, I will not attempt to best the Hero in single combat just to prove that I'm superior. If I have him at my mercy, I'll just kill him. He can't prove he's superior to me if his head is at my feet.

86. My Legion of Terror will be equal opportunity employer but all applicant Mooks will have to pass a competency and physical aptitude test and will be placed in positions fit for their results. However, all of them will be given health benefits for them and their families, including life insurance so that low ranking mooks will have an incentive to go on suicide missions.

87. I will build my fortress so that in the event that the alarm is raised, there will be a hall that my elite defense mooks are instructed to enter that has no windows, the entrance and exits automatically shutdown and no way to sabotage the hall. All Mooks will be instructed to shoot back to back and any mook that shoots facing one another deserves what he gets (if they don't die, they will not be killed but suffer a fatal accident).

87A. My Mooks will be given special headgear to protective from concussive/flash bangs, smoke bombs, and poison/noxious gasses so as not to be caught off guard and the hall will be specifically designed to immediately respond to any fires and or vapors that arise in the hall, instantly erasing them but not lasting long enough to give the hero and his gang any advantage should they possess certain elemental affinities.

88. Much to my disgust, I will acknowledge it's a valuable skill to Know When to Fold 'Em.

89. In the event I forget that holding the Idiot Ball is a Bad Thing and decide to place the hero in a Death Trap instead of executing him cleanly and quickly, I will watch the whole thing and have a squadron of my Legions of Terror on standby to gun down the hero if he escapes.

90. When building my evil Fortress'O'Doom, I will make sure that the room holding all my weapons and/or explosives is a) always locked, guarded and watched and b) not right next to or under my main room of doom.

91. If the land around my fortress is populated by giant worms, mutant insects or rabid zombies, I will put all my troops through a strict training course on how to avoid or kill them in event of a breach.

92. When I have all the tunnels rigged with mines, pit-traps or swinging blade traps, I will make sure to inform my troops of the fact that there in the tunnels there are mines, pit-traps and swinging blade traps.

93. I will remember that Even Evil Has Loved Ones and plan accordingly. I will not give my minions any reason to resent me and will in fact encourage Minion Shipping so that if the hero kills one or more of them, there is always someone with a very good reason to want the hero dead. I will engage in Villainous Friendships with my minions and especially my Dragon and lieutenants. I will engage in Unholy Matrimony rather than use a harem. Being able to call upon the Power of Love and the Power of Friendship is nothing to sneeze at.

94. Before engaging in my Reign of Terror as a Villain with Good Publicity, I will hire an Obviously Evil vizier/advisor/chancellor/prime minister who is also The Starscream and about as competent as the Trope Namer. I will put him ostensibly in charge of the most unsavory parts of my Empire without actually giving him any real authority. He will make an excellent fall guy and I will endeavour to allow the Hero to "free" me from the influence of my Evil Chancellor who has obviously been the cause of all this tragedy that has occurred behind my back.

95. Once the Hero starts killing off large numbers of my Mooks, I will periodically hold mass memorial services for them with open caskets and grieving relatives for all the world to see. I will deliver an eulogy and shed a Single Tear for my slain comrades. This will paint me as A Father to His Men and the Hero as a Sociopathic Hero. I will also provide bursaries for the education of surviving dependants, medals to honor the fallen and gratituities to feed their surviving parents and widows. If there are any orphans (especially if both parents worked for me), I will raise them in an Orphanage of Love and see if I can convince some of them to become Tyke Bombs. I will use these in my elite guard and the Hero can explain to them why Daddy and Mommy had to die just for doing their jobs.

96. If my Mooks are armed with deadly insta-death laser weaponry, I will design the guns to be so complicated that no person who isn't trained in the use of such a weapon can use them. That way, I can prevent my enemies from using the guns of my fallen Mooks in battle.

97. If I hear the Hero's theme music, and it's not a Dark Reprise, I will not keep fighting. I will get the hell away, because the Narrative Gods have decided against me.

98. I will not form a settlement atop a Hell Gate if the only way to appease said Hell Gate is to periodically force twins to murder each other. Someone will inevitably try to escape and send everything on a merry path to Hell.

99. If for any insane reason, I plan to stage a dramatic appearance and defeat a Humongous Mecha, I will not spend months constantly perfecting the mecha before I send it out. This thing is supposed to be beatable, isn't it?

100. Absolutely none of this applies if I am the "villain" of Civilization or Empire Earth. I can be as brutal as I want, and as long as I'm a competent leader who can keep my empire moderately happy I can be as brutal and genocidal as I see fit. NOTE: Only applies if I am facing enemies I would not normally see, for instance Americans as the leader of a tribe of Asians in the Stone Age..

101. If I ever split my soul into multiple nearly-indestructible pieces to become unkillable, I will make one of those pieces a part of a deep space probe.

102. I will not pull the plug on a group of genetically-engineered super-soldiers just because the first one turned out smarter than I expected, especially if it means killing a batch that's already half-finished. The prototype likely won't appereciate me scrapping his bretheren just because I got cold feet, and could express his displeasure in some VERY counterproductive ways.

103. If The Hero is ever dangling off the edge of some edifice over a pit of death or something similar, I will not waste time trying to stomp on his/her hands. I will shoot them. Better yet, I will shoot HIM.

104. None of my Mooks will be wearing helmets in my presence. I will not hire a Mook that hides his/her face. Any Mook that refuses to take of their helmet will be shot immanently.

105. If I find myself in the situation of Rule 154, I will let the Hero rescue me. But then I will consider Rule 68 before following up according to Rule 154.

106. Whenever I use magic, I will ensure that destroying the source of it will not completely reverse its effects, and that only an opposite spell will undo the previous one.

107. All jails and prisons will have maximum security, with every inmate locked alone in their own cells (almost) all the time.

108. Any prisoner who is a skilled martial artist or possesses superpowers will be physically restrained as much as possible.

109. If I find myself attempting to conquer an insignificant blue planet, my first thoughts are not going to be firebomb the surface or send masses of mooks to harm the population; that is just asking for a team of pesky heroes to fight back. Instead, I will communicate with the leaders of this little world and see whether I can assimilate them into my empire peacefully. If it doesn't work, then I break out the army.

110. While launching all my forces at a 'defenseless' planet can be an effective means of conquering it, it can leave the inhabitants resorting to more '''drastic''' measures. Hence, if I am expanding my empire and come across a new inhabited planet, I will deploy small scale skirmishes to test the local defences, while simultaneously learning about the planet's culture and philosophies. I will also ensure that my navy is outfitted with defenses against potential weapons the natives may use against me.

111. If the heroes command the power of the natural elements, I will devise an armor immune or resistant to those elements or be capable of absorbing the power for my own use. If said armor drains the power of the heroes in the process, even better. I will also ensure that I am the only one who can wear the armor, and that it won't selfdestruct if it absorbs an excess of energy.

112. If my minions are convicted criminals or prisoners, I will not free them all simultaneously to take out the heroes. Instead, I will see if the job can't be done with a simple sniper, and if not I will release the prisoners one at a time from the least likely to attack me to the most likely.

113. If I end up kidnapped by pirates who hold me to ransom, and the pirates end up kidnapping the hero(es) as well, I will work together with them to escape captivity. I will not at any point attack them, except in self defense, in order to keep up the pretense of the Enemy Mine. Once I am free, I will make an example of the pirates from the comfort of my Fortress of Doom, before I carry on with my evil plans.

114. If I invite the hero to dinner, I will not attempt to kill them with poisoned food, drink or any other methods that could potentially be used against me. Instead, a trained (and loyal) sniper will have their crosshairs on the hero at all times; so if the need arises, they can be eliminated efficiently. After all, I invited the hero to dinner for a reason. If I wanted to kill them, they wouldn't have made the courtyard.

115. If I serve a God in a realm with multiple Gods and multiple alignments, my efforts will go towards advancing my Lord's plans and goals. If this means aiding the other Gods with their insignificant problems, but an outcome from it could benefit my own interests, I will help them. Doubly so if the aid undermines another Gods agenda. It will also mean they owe me a favor, which can be very beneficial when my Lord enacts his plan.

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